Unconditional Love

On this last day of May what are you thinking about? I am thinking about love…you know the unconditional kind. The kind my daughter has been teaching me a lot about in the last few weeks. How do you love? Do you love because….xyz? OR do you love for nothing in return?

I think back to our marriage counseling sessions before we got married and all the reasons we loved each other had to be written down on paper. I struggled…I didn’t know why I loved Tim. The reasons didn’t come naturally to me. At the time and over the years, I have still struggled with putting into words why I love my husband. Not that there aren’t many reasons why I love him but none of them seemed like the real reason why. It has been in the last 2 years that I have fully started to understand the meaning of unconditional love. The reality of how our God loves us. We have one very difficult child that leaves us with no reason to love other than, I choose to love her. I get nothing out of it. Most often if I do get something out of it, it is a wound of some sort. I love her. Do you see that period? That is it, I love her. There is no other reason. How do you love? I challenge you today to look around at your life and question why you love. Question how you love. This year my only goal is to love more for nothing in return.

1 Corinthians 13

The message bible

The Way of Love

1 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. 2If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. 3-7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

8-10Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

11When I was an infant at my mother’s breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.

12We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

13But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

A glimpse

A lot has been happening around here but I just wanted to write a quick update to share what 2012 is going to look like for us. No, it isn’t that I will be 30 on Saturday…thanks to my hubby for sharing that bit of news. :)

2011 ended and Tim and I breathed a sign of relief. We had survived. We learned a lot, we grew even more and our two newest children were finally starting to feel like they really belonged here. It was finally beginning to feel normal. We were looking forward to a quiet 2012 and excited to see what God was up to. It didn’t take long into January for us to see a glimpse of what God had in store.

We will be welcoming Drost baby #1 (child #5) in September 2012.

After almost 9 years of marriage it is kind of funny to see God’s sense of humor in all of this. Apparently He didn’t think a quiet 2012 was the best plan. Henry and Anya are thrilled. Henry has been wanting a baby for a long time. He is very concerned about how a baby can come out of mommy’s tummy. Bryant and Glory don’t understand but Bryant knows I can’t carry him around all the time anymore and he is NOT happy about it. Other than that we are all pretty excited.

Well that is my excuse for being a terrible blogger. Thankfully I am starting to feel a little bit more normal everyday and hopeful the worst of the morning sickness is behind me.

Well there is a glimpse of what 2012 will be like for our little family.

30! Can You Believe It?

Tim here. Just wanted to take the opportunity to let everyone know that Amanda is going to be 30 Years Old next Saturday, March 3. I used to think 30 was old, but now 30 looks pretty young. I asked Amanda what she wanted for her Birthday and she said nothing. I got a camper for my 30th Birthday so I’m thinking I need to get her something big, but what? Any suggestions?????

Attachment and learning to love…..

Attachment is one of those words that makes my heart stop. Charlotte is like a light switch, the second someone walks in the door she is happy. She wants to sit on laps, she wants to hold hands and interact with them. The second and I mean second everyone is gone she is MAD! She NEVER initiates any play with us, she spends most of her time trying to keep as far away from us as possible.


Because it is safe, it is what she knows. It is place she has learned to go, so her heart won’t be hurt. It is her safe place when things aren’t going the way she wants. It is written on her heart and it is a grueling process to change. In the past year we thought we had made headway but in the last 3 weeks we are seeing these issues are still raging in full force and we are having to fight harder. From the outside I think she looks like she is adjusting well. I think in some ways she is, but it is going to take more time. We aren’t going anywhere and I tell her every night she is going to have to let go of the hurt. She is going to have to let us in. I tell her we love her and will fight for her till she can trust we are here for life. Someday, I want to look into her eyes and see the fear and hurt erased. We will not stop till she can learn to love and be loved. I can only imagine how hard it must be to live with such hurt. Sorry Charlotte, you are stuck with us. 


Happy Birthday Baby Boy!

Ok, so it isn’t Bryant’s birthday yet and he will be 5…..I suppose I should stop calling him “my baby boy”. boo!! Next week is soon enough, right? Anyway we had a party for him and two of my nieces and he loved the Pinkalicious party. I mean what 5 year old boy wouldn’t? (I gave my blessing because after all he doesn’t care at all and the girls loved it. That was all that mattered to me. :) Anyway…. he did an amazing job. I do not think he pulled anyones hair. However, I was informed that he was pulling his great Grandma’s hair a few weeks before BUT no one saw. Poor Grandma!!! Talk about feeling like a bad mom. Good news…I wasn’t there it was ALL Tim’s fault! ha! Back to the party….Bryant did an amazing job. He opened presents. (OH MY!!) He was controllable and we could easily redirect if he got a little carried away. Needless to say, we left that party feeling pretty good. We are seeing some change and we like it. He got lots of balls at his party and a very special bag to haul all of them in. I think that might have been the favorite gift. His face was priceless when he saw we brought it home. It is always a blessing to get new things to play with. Everyone has been busy all week playing. Thank you!

Photo shoot


This year has been quite the year and one we are very thankful to have lived through. We have learned a lot and are thankful for all of our little blessing running around. We couldn’t imagine life without them. On the top of my thankful list this year is, life. I am SO very thankful that our children’s birth mothers choose life. We will be forever blessed by their sacrifice to give these little ones life.

We had a simple thanksgiving at our house this year with some family and then we were off to a wedding that Tim and Henry were in. I wish I had more pictures but trying to keep everyone under wraps and snap pictures was a challenge. Impossible really. The good news is Bryant did amazing so amazing in fact I didn’t even recognize that boy. He even sat calmly on my mother in law’s lap for a few minutes while I videoed Henry. WOW…just wow! Anyone who knows him will know this is a HUGE deal. :) Henry had to pedal a tractor with three little ones in a wagon. It was super cute. He did a great job but got a little bored waiting for the wedding to start. He is a pretty active boy. All in all he did a fabulous job. I was worried he wouldn’t even make it down the aisle but he did and even stood/sat with Tim at the front till he had to pedal the tractor back down the aisle. I was very proud of how well behaved they were. Shocked really. :)

He loved his "costume"

Henry pedaling the tractor down the aisle…….   MVI_4848.MOV

Just a few thoughts

I am sure I have lots of fun things I would like to share, but tonight this is heavy on my heart. I saw it posted on another gal’s blog. I don’t love it all but I do agree. I also can’t help but think…had our children been conceived in the USA they would likely not be alive today. It is sobering and we ALL need to stand up for the Holocaust that is happening in the USA today.

One year ago…….

I became the mom to two more children. I was frantically preparing for them the best I could. I was getting everything for christmas in order. I was prepared. Or so I dreamed. I had lived through a lot at this point and in a lot of ways I “thought” I knew what would come. I thought they would overcome. I thought…….. BUT God knew. He knew the state of their hearts and ours and he choose for us to not see the full picture. He knows we simple humans just can’t handle it. This year has been nothing but a learning curve. I have throw everything that I thought I knew out the window and have relied on God, and some others in my life that have been used by God to help push us along. It has been a year of overcoming small things not ALL the huge things I “thought” they would just simply overcome. I have learned a lot about autism and have fully come to terms with Bryant’s diagnosis of autism. Just for the record autism is HARD!!!! HARD!!! Did I say hard?!! I have learned a lot about redeeming love and have A LOT to still learn. I have learned about real and true unconditional love. I am still not there. I have a lot of days still that I feel these two little ones have turned our sweet little family into a huge mess. I have questioned and questioned and wonder if  I was cut out to be their mom. Tim reminds me often that there is NO one better to do the job. I still often wonder what more I will be asked to give up and then I realize my own selfishness staring me in the face. This year has been about Tim and I. Not about the kids overcoming but about us overcoming. Us seeing God, seeing Him for who He really is. For learning just a little bit more about Him. This is the first year in a long time we are not knee deep in paper work for another adoption. This has been hard on me, this has been an area I have had to fully take captive in my own mind. Tim reminds me every now and then that we are not done adopting and someday I will have that brown baby I have always dreamed of. Did I ever mention what a great guy I married?! Yeah, I bet you had no idea adoption wasn’t just my idea?! I am sure he will be thrilled I shared this with all of you!

The seasons are changing here in Iowa and the weather is turning cool. This year I am wondering how will we survive the winter stuck in the house. :) How will we survive the holidays. We love spending time with our families but it is….so hard for the kids and in turn is hard for me. :( Can we sneak out of town? Will anyone notice? lol!

All of that to say…..This year has been nothing like I expected and I am thrilled to start thinking about what 2012 will bring. Yes, we still have some time for that but I am excited to think about what doors God will open up for us in 2012.

Back to the real meaning of this post…….. The kids have changed a lot in this past year. Their physical appearance is different. They do not look so much like babies. Glory has learned more signs than I could even count and would know a lot more if I knew more. :) She can communicate what she needs through the sign language that she knows. She is learning to use it more. She is SMART!!! She fully understands and will not bend to my way of doing things easily. She has a lot of potential and I have seen deep into her eyes a few times to see the hurt is slowly fading. She was/is by far our most hurt child. She came home not able to feed herself and has learned to feed herself and was fully potty trained in a week. It is amazing what can change when the child is given a few expectations. She can also dress herself if she wants to. We are working on the want to. Bryant is such a happy little guy. He is true sunshine when he isn’t trying to pull your clothes, hair  or anything else he can. :) He is learning to be a little more independent. Meaning I am forcing him to do some things on his own. He came home at about 26 pounds and is now 40 pounds. It is becoming a great challenge to get him into the carseat. He is not capable of getting into the car on his own yet. Maybe next year. I have been sitting him on the potty randomly and he will go potty every time. Maybe he gets it? Maybe he doesn’t? Whatever. :) We are still working on him chewing food. This has been very frustrating and scary at times. He gave us a big scare last week when he swallowed something that got stuck. Well I better get back to it. I will leave off with some pictures. The real proof for me that this year was a success!!!

Meet Harrison

Yesterday we went and picked up the saddest puppy ever. He has the worst case of fleas you have ever seen. Spots of missing fur everywhere. Today after some much needed treatment he is 100 times better. I do not see one live flea on him. YAY!!!

We are working on a fence for both dogs so they do not have to be tied up at night. It wasn’t quite finished so we had to jimmy rig it for the night. We didn’t want Truman by the fleas so we left him in his original spot and moved Harrison over to the make shift fence. We never dreamed he would be able to escape his house and then the fence to go over and spend the night with Truman. Truman is the mildest puppy and I am so thankful he was nice to Harrison. Truman is only about 8 pounds just to give you an idea how tiny Harrison is.

I guess we couldn’t go even one year without an adoption. (just to be clear I mean adopting puppies not kids…for now anyway) Henry is in heaven. Maybe that little baby Harrison will put Henry’s baby fever to rest for a season. :)


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